9th Apr 2010
I was recently talking to someone on the phone about my weight loss and at the time she had not met me so wanted to see a before picture of me. I told her I lost 60 pounds and she thought that was incredible - until she saw my before picture. I could hear her voice change over the phone as she said, “Oh, you’re not that fat.” You just look kind of chubby.” I told her that I was 60 pounds overweight and lost it all and that’s not chubby - that’s fat. She took a second and then agreed. Yes, that’s a lot of weight to lose. And speaking for myself - YES it was… And I still work to keep it off.
But this morning I got to thinking about that conversation. When I was in high school years ago no one was fat. Maybe one or two schoolmates but not like today. I wasn’t even fat. I was “chubby” then. I needed to lose probably 20 pounds back then and at the time that was considered a lot to lose. But today, since 66% of the country is so overweight 20 pounds doesn’t seem like very much anymore. People who have weight issues are almost always 40 - 60 - 100 pounds overweight, so it seems to me that 60 pounds is the new “chubby”. My body mass index was in the obese range yet I was not the fatest person I knew, far from it. I had even allowed myself to think that I wasn’t all that overweight.
Now that I have lost all that weight I cannot imagine gaining even 20 back and to gain all 60 pounds - well, I will never do that. This is the first time that I can say that for sure. After almost (coming up on) 4 years since I started this journey and always thinking that I could gain it all back - I now know that I will not. I will never be fat again.
And you don’t have to be either. Let me hear from you. What can I do to get you started and how can I help you stay on a path that leads to a healthier you? I know you are beautiful - do you know that? Once you know that and truly believe it - your life will change in ways that you cannot imagine. And you are beautiful if you never lose a single pound. I’m not on the “everybody needs to lose weight” bandwagon. This is your life and should be lived on your terms.
But if you do want to lose weight - first you must realize that 60 pounds is NOT chubby.
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31st Dec 2008
Don’t worry..I’m not gonna talk about the election or the economy or any of those trivial things that occurred in 2008. No - I’m going to review the year in “Weight”.
2008 had everyone talking about how Kirsty Alley had gained her weight back, Valerie Bertinelli wrote a book about her weight loss (although I read it and that only comes at the end) and the Style Network raked in the dough with a show about an overweight woman named Ruby who is struggling with her weight. Just another year for the weight loss industry to capitalize on all of us again. They make BILLIONS on people just like me who thought for years there was a “cure” for this. And I must say that it astonished me, once I finally lost weight, to find out that I still had all the same urges that made me fat. I had some ridiculous notion that once I lost weight I was going to be “normal” and all those crazy things I think about food would go away. Well, that didn’t happen and I have come to grips with the fact that I will always have a part of me that is quite literally crazy about food.
I saw where Oprah is going to start all over again on Jan 5th with a new “Live Your Best Life” series and part of it is devoted to her weight gain. She always has the best and brightest come and share advice..but what she hasn’t understood yet is that none of these experts can cure her. We are all (all of us in the overweight community) looking for that elusive (nonexistent) CURE! And the sad fact is, there isn’t one. Ever. Period. Oprah will lose weight again and she’ll help millions do the same thing - and that’s a good thing, but until she and all she leads understand that once the camera is off and the show ends those food demons (I call mine Fat Kitty) will jump right back on her. They know where she lives and they know ALL of her weaknesses.
I wish you the best Oprah. I see in your face the same look I have shown on my on face for years. I want this to go away and not be the ‘thing’ that dominates my life. So far that hasn’t happened but accepting that has made it easier for me. I hope you see this too. I wish I could come cook for you for a month. I could change your life.
My recipes could help anyone. I DO eat right 90% of the time. And I eat fruits and veggies and baked fish and chicken.. BUT there are times that I WANT and NEED FRIED CHICKEN! I can’t explain it and refuse to feel guilty and bad about it ever again.
When Fat Kitty comes callin’ I just look up a favorite junk food recipe and go to town eatin’ on it. And I will NEVER be fat again. (I hope)
So 2008 was a great year for me. I didn’t gain weight and I ate like there was no tomorrow (at least 2-3 times a week). I wish I knew Kirsty Alley. I could help her. I wish I knew Oprah. She helps so many people in so many ways..I wish I could cook for her in her house for a month. She’d be changed forever and she’d never gain her weight back.
Who knows? Maybe 2009 is the year we’ll meet!
Happy New Year to everyone out there who struggles with this issue. We are all in this together; whether you’ve lost weight, just beginning to lose weight or if you cannot lose anything and/or choose to stay the way you are. You are all beautiful.
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13th Oct 2008
are wonderful things. They can be bad but I guess one reason I got so overweight in the first place was because i stuck my head in the sand and refused to remember bad memories. They say we’re doomed to repeat things we don’t want to remember.
I was watching HBO last night (Little Britain) and in this segment a man who had walked on the moon hired a repair man to fix his radiator. The segment was funny but I lost track of what was going on because I remembered something I did in (I think) the Third Grade that involved a radiator.
I don’t know what possessed me to do this but my 3rd grade classroom had a radiator to heat the room. I grew up in Mississippi and while it is rarely freezing cold for long periods of time, it does get cold and it does snow there on occasion.
One day I brought to class the top of a bottle of orange juice. It was metal and had raised edges. I used it like a skillet and poured popcorn kernels in it and set it on top of the radiator. I guess i thought I was going to pop me some popcorn or something. I don’t remember if I told anyone I was doing this or not, but I think I just snuck in with all this and set it up on the radiator and hoped for the best.
Well, the popcorn didn’t pop but I also forgot about it until just now. I hope the Winona School system has upgraded to something better than radiators for heat, but in case they haven’t would someone please check whatever room was Mrs Whitehead’s 3rd Grade class room and make sure there’s not petrified popcorn sitting on a radiator waiting to pop.
All of my memories have a food element. Either I’m eating food, preparing food or dieting and trying NOT to eat food. This is the only one I can think of that I forgot about food.
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22nd Aug 2008
Not sure if Shakespeare ever thought that quote would show up in a weight loss cooking blog? Shakespeare would have been a good blogger is my guess. He was surely prolific.. and from paintings of him, he may have had weight issues..
The quote as it pertains to me should really read, “To thine own self be HONEST.” I have found that living an honest life, where it pertains to food, has been the single most important thing that has happened to me. If you don’t know what I mean or if you’re also in denial about what you might be doing - here are a few things I did and am tempted to still do…
1. Adjust the scale so when I step on it the number will be the least it can possibly be. I have a place in my bathroom where the floor is uneven and I can manuver the scale just right and it will read at least 2 pounds lighter.
2. Not eat or drink water the day I go to Weight Watchers so I will weigh the least I can possible weigh. Not healthy and this had to stop.
3. Buy ice cream and think I can resist it. I’ll eat the whole carton. I just don’t buy it.
4. Buy potato chips and think I will eat 14 of them. I’ll eat them all.
5. Not eat or drink anything when I have a doctor’s appt so I will weigh the least I can possibly weigh. My doctor is very proud of my weight loss so don’t have to do this anymore.
6. Think I can go to a fast food joint. I can’t. I wanted french fries so bad yesterday I almost did this but my foot pushed down on the gas and I kept driving.
7. Lie about exercising. O.K. here’s one that needs work.
8. Lie about how much I weigh. Not a problem anymore.
9. Lie about what I ate today. This is a struggle, but so far so good.
10. Lie about what size pants I wear. Anthing under a 20 is good for me these days. I never purchased a 22 but that was my next size up. What’s in a size anyway. It’s how you look and feel that counts! Just love yourself.
11. Not love me. This one is a stuggle everyday. I’m not sure why and I can’t speak for everyone, but as for me - there was and maybe still is something broken in me that makes me think I don’t deserve to feel and look good. I’m still working on that and if you have those same feelings - just know you are NOT alone! I love me now - but I do have to remind myself of that on occasion.
And there are so many more. With every new day there is a new challenge. Losing weight is very hard and keeping it off is just as hard. But it’s sure worth the effort.
If you are not living an honest life that might be a first step. Eat whatever you eat in front of people. If you buy three cheeseburgers, make sure you eat them in front of someone who knows and cares about you. You will feel diffferently about that experience if you do that one thing just one time. It’s life changing. Because in essence you are eating in front of yourself for the first time. If that person loves and cares about you, you will feel how painful it is for them to see you doing this to yourself. This is the thing you should see and feel yourself - about yourself. You need to love you and worry about you - and wake up!
And just so you know, I don’t have all the answers. I still want to overeat - but to modify Shakespeare - to my ownself I have become honest. Even if I fail I did it honestly. No more secrets.
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14th Aug 2008
PEOPLE READ THEM!!
All you bloggers out there probably already know this but I’m new to this medium. When I feel like blogging I just sit in front of my computer and write whatever in the heck I feel and it’s almost like I forget that anyone but me will care.
Well, News Flash! When you write down your thoughts, and you really reveal things, someone is going to care. My good buddy in the weight loss war read a blog I posted yesterday and called me out on it…and thank goodness she did. I was whining about guilt and Weight Watchers and all kinds of things that ultimately were pretty selfish and only about me.
This blog is intended to help anyone who wants it to. For me to start complaining and whining like a third grader doesn’t do anyone any good - even me.
I love my new “lighter” life. I can wash my feet in the shower without my head feeling like it will pop off from the pressure of bending over - I can cross my legs (okay that may not seem like a big deal, but if you can’t you know) - I can order a desert in a restaurant without feeling like people are looking at me saying “Well, no wonder she’s fat” - I can walk up a flight of stairs without huffing and puffing - I can buy clothes in a regular store (meaning NOT Walmart’s sweat pants aisle) - and I can look at myself from the rear (I can actually stand to take a mirror and see what I look like from the back. Never have I ever felt comfortable with that)
And this site is dedicated to helping anyone who wants it to - for them to be able to do all those same things. If you do not have a weight issue you have no idea how hard life is overweight. And the perplexing thing is how hard it is to get on the road to a healthy weight.
I will try to do a better job of focusing on my mission here and not myself. Yesterday was an “Oops!” moment - but I am fortunate to have a watchful eye on me keeping me straight so I can help you get or stay straight.
Thanks for the wake up call. I deleted that post.
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18th Jul 2008
It’s true. Today especially I believe that. I got one of those emails full of inspiration and wow, it really made me feel good. It told me that if I sent it to a bunch of other people great things would happen to me in just a few days. I didn’t do that, so I may have messed up but what the hey! You only live once right! YIKES! (and we all know that we make our own good luck. I do live a blessed life)
My friend in Mississippi, Carol T. sent me a gumbo recipe I think I’m gonna try this weekend. I’ll let you know if I make it and how it is. She’s a terrific cook so should be great. Actually just thinking about gumbo has my mouth watering. I ate my lunch today at 10:00. That should tell you that I’m having a hungry day!
I hope you have a great one too! And a great weekend! And if you get an inspirational email sent to you - it didn’t come from me. (I’m sending you good thoughts telepathically. HA!)
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15th Jul 2008
What do you do when friends, family or co-workers bring you food and expect you to eat it?
Before I was an RFP - I just ate it. Now I think about what I’m doing. My family is so thrilled with my weight loss I think they would NEVER bring me extra food. I do not come from an overweight family. My Momma never weighed above 110 and my Daddy only weighs 150 right now.
I have a wonderful co-worker, Ron, who is constantly bringing me Chinese cookies and crackers and what not from China Town here in L.A. And they’re all wonderful! So different from anything I’ve had before. Moving out here from the Gulf Coast of Mississippi, my eyes have been opened to all kinds of unique cuisine. And if you think you’ve had Chinese food; if you haven’t been to China or China Town and if you’re not married to someone who is Chinese and can prepare it for you, then you’ve not had real Chinese food.
And he’s so sweet I would never hurt his feelings. So, I’ve started telling him that I’m going to tell my boss (his boss too), who is producing my future diet cooking show, that Ron’s bringing me food and I could gain weight. Okay this is not the most mature way to handle this, but Ron simply doesn’t understand that I can only eat so many cookies or crackers or anything. He’s so slim and his wife is beautiful and amazing looking. The reason I created all of my recipes was so I could eat in volume. And I know everyone thinks Chinese food has no calories, but a cookie is a cookie, Chinese or otherwise.
So I guess my advice is - do what you have to do. Your family needs to know how important this is to you and so do your friends. Ron laughs when I threaten to tell Dave (my boss) about him bringing me cookies. And I don’t really mean it and Dave would just laugh too, but this tactic does at least make Ron give me two cookies instead of six. HA! (Whatever he gives me I will eat. I know that)
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11th Jul 2008
If you wonder where I’ve been - well have you ever bought a house? YIKES this is work!@*%#
We’re listing our townhouse and so we get up every morning and make sure it is spic and span in case anyone comes to look. Now I like this but it’s probably getting on Neil’s last nerve. How wonderful to come home to a clean house very day!
But then there’s the looking for a house. I must confess that sometimes I take shortcuts in my diet because I’m just in a hurry and I need to stop that. I’ll eat a handful or two of peanuts just so I don’t go hungry.
I know, this web site is supposed to be about eating great! Well, life happens sometimes and so you do the best you can. I used to feel guilty when I ate wrong. But that may have been becauseI ate wrong ALL OF THE TIME! And I’d laugh at that but it’s true. Now I just do it on occasion - but being honest I admit that I do. And remember those 64 calorie Miller beers I talk about a week or so ago…well, I have one in my fridge with my name all over it.
That is unless the real estate agents calls and I need to go look at a house. YIKES!
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