31st Oct 2008
..they say is one way not to repeat it. It’s amazing how quickly I’ve gotten used to the new me and taken for granted how I used to live.
I was thinking this morning about crazy things that used to be embarrassing - like the first time Neil and I went to the Hollywood Bowl. One of my dearest friends David and his partner Ricky had gotten Neil and I tickets and invited us to come with them to see a show there. I’d never been so didn’t know what to expect. Well, they have one of those turn-style things that you have to pass through, like you see in a NY Subway or at Disneyland.
I’ve never gotten stuck in one but it was a real squeeze for me to get through and I knew it, but I just went on through and stood on my tiptoes so my gigantic stomach would be above the arm of the dang thing and I could come out on the other side. I notice stuff like that now. Sunday Neil and I went to the movies down in Hollywood and as I got out of the car to walk to the Arclight Cinema I did something I NEVER do, but I guess I will now. I walked in between cars. Now that might sound like a little thing to some of you, but if you’ve lived a lot of your life afraid that if you walk between cars you’ll set off a car alarm because you can’t help but touch the car, then you know what I’m talking about. I do not need to explain anything.
I got up this morning and I LOVE getting dressed now. Everything in my closet fits me. I no longer have eight differnt sizes of clothes that I’m keeping because I will be all of thoses sizes again at some point. It’s easy to forget just how hard it was to get here. And I’m here right now - who knows what tomorrow will bring. But if I can keep remembering the past maybe I won’t relive it.
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25th Oct 2008
And I wish I meant that as a compliment.
The fact is I am a food abuser. I know and accept the fact that I have little control over certain types of food (mainly potato chips and ice cream). I thought that these were my biggest problems and if I didn’t buy them and have them in my house I would be safe.
Well, last night I drank some wine and found out that Fat Kitty has other ideas…
The older I’ve gotten the less alcohol I can drink. It takes very little to get me tipsy. I know this but after a hard week sometimes it just feels good to unwind with Neil and have a glass of wine and discuss the weeks trials (and triumphs!) But Heaven help me if I have more than 2!
I’ll never have a drinking problem because I ALWAYS switch to food! And last night it was pretzels. I ate about 1/4 of one of those “pounder” bags - probably 400-500 calories worth of pretzels - and I wasn’t hungry - but if you have this as an issue you know that hunger has very little to do with why we overeat. I don’t know what I was thinking - the fact is I wasn’t thinking. I was numb. I had just enough wine to not care and BOY OH BOY did it tell on me. Fat Kitty wasn’t whispering in my ear - I WAS FAT KITTY!
I thought having pretzels in the house was a safe bet - and I think it still is. I just need to STAY AWAKE! That’s the struggle. Stay aware of what goes in my mouth and why.
If you are reading this and wondering that same thing - just know that you keep me strong and I hope I can return the favor. Stay awake - stay strong and you CAN enjoy food and life and a healthier YOU! I sure am enjoying a healthier me.
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22nd Oct 2008
I’m trying to find a home for a show of my ideas and experiences & with any luck I will know something in the near future. I will let everyone know as soon as something is finalized, but in the meantime enjoy the video and remember “Eat Great and Lose Weight” View TV Show Demo Video
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22nd Oct 2008
Who got me into trouble on a nonstop basis.
One thing that Fat Kitty would do (and if you’re ever done this maybe this will help you admit it to yourself and then stop) is stand at the kitchen window in my house and look out to the street to make sure no one was coming that would interrupt whatever binge I was participating in at the time. I would stand there and literally cram food in my mouth until it made me sick or I ran out of it.
My favorite binge food is an ice cream sandwich. They create no smell so no one will walk in the room (where I’d been binging) and say -”What’s that smell?” so that was good. They also hardly require any chewing. If I got them soft enough I could almost swallow them whole with very little effort especially if I was in a hurry becasue I had to finish a whole box (I never ate less than one whole box) before Neil came home. And if someone did drive up to my house unexpectedly I could swish water through my mouth and get all the chocolate sandwich part off of my teeth so you’d never know I had over eaten anything. I was just a regular person just like whoever showed up at my house. That person never having a clue to the madness they almost caught me doing.
So when you hear me talk or write about Fat Kitty - that pesky friend of mine that simply will not leave me alone - that’s the kind of friend she is. She’s a temptress in a teapot. (and I do mean TEMPTRESS)
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20th Oct 2008
Go hand in hand - right?
When you think of Halloween, things like scary costumes, pumpkins and trick or treating come to mind. That is if you have normal feelings about food, this is what comes to mind.
For me Halloween used to mean that I could go into any grocery story with all the mountains of bagged candy stacked to the sky and buy as many bags of the stuff I wanted and it just looked like I was buying candy for trick or treaters. This was a time of year that I could hit every store and buy a couple of bags of (snickers and butterfingers were my favs) candy and I didn’t feel like judgemental eyes were on me thinking “Well, no wonder she’s fat - look at her buying all that candy!” I just bought candy because I was getting ready for Halloween night, just like all the normal people out there. I mean fat people have trick or treaters too.
The truth is, I live in a condominium complex and I’ve never even had one young person come by in a costume during Halloween. I just bought the candy for myself. I’ve even bought enough so that I could spread out eating it over a couple of months. I’ve hid candy all over my house - in my underwear drawer, in my closet and yes - between my mattress and box springs. I didn’t care if a snickers was smushed flat - I just cared that I had one to eat.
I just spoke with my husband about this to see if her ever found food that I hid. He said he didn’t but he’s not the kind of guy who would look. He said he trusted me - WRONG MOVE! I can’t be trusted when it comes to food. I’m the best most convincing liar you’ll ever meet. Why I hid food from him I’ll never know. He never has said one derogatory thing about my weight, so I could have probably eaten anything I wanted in front of him and he would have never judged me. And yet I still hid food (not just candy). I guess since I hid it I knew in my heart I was doing the wrong thing. If you’re hiding food think about why.
I think stores know this type of food addiction buying occurs and they push our addiction right in our faces. They are in the business of selling that candy (and chips and ice cream sandwiches, etc.)- and the more they sell the better. I can’t fault them, but I understand them better now.
Stores have all kinds of ways that they sell to all of us in the overweight community. If you understand that’s what is going on you can turn the other cheek. There will always be mountains of candy during Halloween, but you can choose to walk by it or stop.
And this is just the beginning - Thanksgiving and Christmas are just around the corner. I’ve bought a zillion boxes of candy canes for the Christmas Tree that never made it home, or if they did they went into my stash.
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13th Oct 2008
are wonderful things. They can be bad but I guess one reason I got so overweight in the first place was because i stuck my head in the sand and refused to remember bad memories. They say we’re doomed to repeat things we don’t want to remember.
I was watching HBO last night (Little Britain) and in this segment a man who had walked on the moon hired a repair man to fix his radiator. The segment was funny but I lost track of what was going on because I remembered something I did in (I think) the Third Grade that involved a radiator.
I don’t know what possessed me to do this but my 3rd grade classroom had a radiator to heat the room. I grew up in Mississippi and while it is rarely freezing cold for long periods of time, it does get cold and it does snow there on occasion.
One day I brought to class the top of a bottle of orange juice. It was metal and had raised edges. I used it like a skillet and poured popcorn kernels in it and set it on top of the radiator. I guess i thought I was going to pop me some popcorn or something. I don’t remember if I told anyone I was doing this or not, but I think I just snuck in with all this and set it up on the radiator and hoped for the best.
Well, the popcorn didn’t pop but I also forgot about it until just now. I hope the Winona School system has upgraded to something better than radiators for heat, but in case they haven’t would someone please check whatever room was Mrs Whitehead’s 3rd Grade class room and make sure there’s not petrified popcorn sitting on a radiator waiting to pop.
All of my memories have a food element. Either I’m eating food, preparing food or dieting and trying NOT to eat food. This is the only one I can think of that I forgot about food.
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7th Oct 2008
Can start the day off on the wrong foot. I recently found a great way to spice up even the most boring of breakfasts - cold cereal!
I’m like anyone today - too many things to do and not enough time to do them in, so although I never skip breakfast, I rarely (except on weekends) fix myself anything very interesting. Cereal is the quickest way I’ve found to get some much needed calcium and fiber (I always eat high fiber). The thing is, a high fiber cereal can be about as interesting as a bowl of gravel. You know it’s good for you so you eat it, but it fulfills no other need.
Well, last week I started doing something that has really changed how I view cereal. Something so simply you all out there in blog land probably already do this and I’m just the last to figure it out!
I sprinkle cinnamon and sugar substitute on my cereal. I have always used the sugar substitute, but for some reason I got the wild hair to try the cinnamon and WOW! what a difference! I tastes wonderful and takes all of 2 seconds.
I know this probably isn’t an earth shattering discovery, but for me it starts my day out just that much better!
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2nd Oct 2008
Finally one of my childhood favorites - in a diet form! YUM You’ll love it..
Cinnamon Toast
Easy and VERY inexpensive!!!!!!!!!!
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